My SECOND entry

My SECOND entry.
Blogger.com changes my account without notifying me. It used to be onecomplicateddude, but somehow blogger.com changed it to complexdeeds.

Moving from that.
It has been two and a half years since my first entry. Few things have happened. I am blessed with another daughter. She's 18 months old now.
Workwise, I'm still at the same company, working on another project, an extension of the one I was on during my first entry.
Marriagewise, still the same. I have not been on talking terms with my wife for months now. We do utter a few extremely words, once in a while. Mostly regarding the kids.

Now, OCD wise. I somehow feel that I've improved quite a lot. The major push factor is my family (wife + kids) moving in with me early this year. I've changed my rituals (they're still there). I'm still doing them, but less time is spent on them. Thanks to my brother.

Ok, this blog is about OCD. So how did my oc (obsession and compulsions) change? I am a washer. I was living in a different place before this. I lived alone there. As I lived alone, I didn't really put much care on what I do there. When I had to 'wash', I just 'washed'. Now, with my family, especially my three little daughters around me, I can't simply 'wash' when I have the urge to do so. The urge is there. My only approach is to check verify I really have to 'wash'. My brother plays a crucial part in this. He's helped me a lot in assuring me that no 'washing' needs to be done. Thus far, it's working.

That brings to another issue. I'm being dependant on my brother. You may find in any OCD book that the best help to someone with OCD is by not helping him/her. I haven't totally reach that stage yet. there're times when I can tell myself that the washing is not needed, and that even if I ask my brother, he'd have said the same. But then there are times when I just have to refer to him.

If you're wondering, the medium of communication is sms -short message service. I keep track on the period that lapse between sms. Sometimes it's weeks before I send an sms to my brother. Sometimes a few smses on consecutive days.

My thanks for reading this far. I shall conclude my second entry here. The way I see it, we need to devise a plan on moving forward. As I've mentioned before, the first step is acceptance. Recognize that what we have is OCD. From then, we need to learn to differentiate between what is real and what is OCs. In my case, I get my brother's help. Slowly, I'm becoming aware of what's real and what is just my OC. For instance, when faced with a new urge to wash, I'll compare if similar things have happend before and that I've asked my brother.

That's all for now. Till next time, may we conquer our OCD.

Intro to my life I

My first entry.
You're reading this, then you either have OCD or know someone who has it.
If you want to know what OCD is all about, you may get some books out there, some are good, some are not that good, but all will tell what OCD is.
If you want self help book, there are those too. Again some are good and some are not that good. I've bought plenty of these books. the books are generally OKAY, but the point is, is it okay ENOUGH for us?
I've tried almost all. I was on Chlomipramin for a very heavy dose. 600mg, but yet, I'm still the very same person. I've tried Prozac, Venlafaxine and a few others. I am still the same person. I'm trying CBT on my own. That's Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It works sometimes.

Ok, what is this blog all about?
I guess i just want to share my experience with you fellow OCDians. I am probably one of those drug-resistant patients. So I have to find some other ways to continue living.

I've accepted that I have OCD. It took me quite sometimes to do so, and it took a lot longer time for my family to accept it. That's the first step, and believe me, that's the most important step. Infact I believe, nothing will work until you've mastered this first step.

The second step. This is the difficult part, to distinguish between OCD and reality. They seem to be the same thing. I'm still in this step. I accepted that I've OCD a long time ago. You need help. We simply can't do this alone. I'm lucky to have a brother who understands and tries t help as much as he can. the challenge ir forme to stop seeking his help. And that's tough.

I'm married with two beautiful children. My wife despise me for my OCD, despite knowing that I had it before we got married. They say OCD is hereditary. I'm praying to God Almighty that my children will be free from it.

You've read this far. You're really interested to know more then. Ok, I am a washer, and also have scrupuluosity. I am a hoarder too, but not to such great extent. I used to be a checker, but that somehow vanished after my first drug intake, some 16 years ago.

I have to get back to work, will continue some other time.